Scared and guilty- updated

I feel so guilty that I feel this way today but I do... Scared. I feel like I shouldn't have to feel this way anymore but I am and probably will for the next umpteen years of my life. I have a colleague (she's actually sort of my boss but we are friends so I consider her an equal) who told me she was pregnant also a few days before Christmas. She said she wasn't sure how far along she was at that point but she knew her due date was July 1. July 1??? That's 2 days after me! I was excited that we could enjoy our pregnancies together. Yesterday I got a group email from her saying that she had a "medical emergency" that has caused her to be out of work recovering for the next few days. I immediately emailed her back to find out if everything was okay. Sadly, it's not. She went in for a routine appt. and boom- the world stopped because the baby had died. I just can't believe it. This doesn't happen to other people. It just doesn't seem fair. Selfishly, I am now scared to death that I will follow in her footsteps. I have a dr's appt today and I barely slept last night. Hopefully I will be able to post some relief later today. Say a little prayer for me if you are a praying person- if not- positive thoughts and vibes sent my way would be wonderful! Thank you.

I just got back from an emotional dr's appt. Before I go any further- all is well. The heartbeat was strong and constistant at 158. The Dr. says it must be a boy this time because it took a minute to find the h/b and the doc says boys don't typically cooperate. Of course he said it was a girl last time so ce' la vis! We aren't finding out the gender by the way- just going to wait it out in neutrality. I have strong boy vibes but I think that is because I have 2 nephews and can't imagine a girl. I will be thrilled regardless! Anyway, the emotional part... I stopped by my RE's office to give back a follistim pack that was never used and ran into the RE and his nurse. They were both so positive and excited for me and it just made me so emotional. I felt so much empathy for the women sitting in that waiting room. I will always empathize with the IF world and that really hit me today. I cried the whole way home and I can't really pinpoint why- just that the whole cycle has come almost full circle and things are still looking promising. I don't have another appt for 4 weeks... 4 weeks! That will be the longest I have gone to date! On Feb. 1 I will have my "big" u/s with a high risk specialist and then a follow up that day with my OB. I hope I make it until then! Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers!