no progesterone at the pharmacy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (updated)

I truly don't want to be "that girl" who gets pregnant and all she writes about is being scared. But I am. I love being pregnant and am super excited but I just can't shake the "it'll happen" thoughts and I don't mean "it'll be fine". This a.m. I woke up and my boobs hurt less. They still hurt, but it seems that they aren't as sore. This freaks me out. Then I went to the pharmacy to pick up round 2 of progesterone suppositories and they did not have them in stock. The pharmacist was awesome and called around and around to all of the local pharmacies and it seems to be a total fluke that they had them in when I got round 1. So we called the dr and they said they'd call back. I waited at the pharmacy counter for an hour and a half and no call. The pharmacist finally called the emergency line (because by now the dr's office was closed) and they were going to return her call a.s.a.p. Yeah right- I waited a little while longer and no call. So here I am at home with no progesterone to take tonight. I am so afraid that this drop in progesterone level is going to be the detriment of this pregnancy. The pharmacist said regardless of what the dr says, she has ordered the progesterone and it will bein before noon tomorrow. I am tempted to take a half day at work and get to the pharmacy at noon and get that stuff in me before its too late. Any suggestions???
BTW- all of your answers to my obsessive questions made me feel 1000% better. I just wish this progesterone thing hadn't occurred...
My pharmacist just called. The dr on duty finally called back and prescribed oral capsule prometrium. After she researched it, she found that it is not to be taken by pregnant women and told me that I could puncture the capsule and insert it vaginally but I shouldn't take it orally because it could bring on a period (miscarriage!!!!!!!!!!). I am so pissed that the dr on call would even prescribe such a thing!!!!!! I have typed a letter to my OB because this is the millionth thing that has happened at his practice that has royally pissed me off. I am telling him basically that if one more thing goes wrong or if I am treated like shit by his staff once more, I am out. I also wrote a letter to the pharmacists supervisor telling him/ her what an awesome person she is to take the extra time to look into this for me. FJ is going to pick up the progesterone gel tomorrow during the day and bring it to my work- I will shoot up in the school bathroom and only be about 12 hours behind schedule. I hope this all works!!!!!!!!!!!

questions

1. Can you still miscarry while on progesterone?
2. If all of my symptoms are due to progesterone does it mean its working or that I am having "fake" symptoms?
3. Why do some drs want you to come in right away and some make you wait until 8 weeks (or 6 in my case)?
4. Can I eat crab meat? blue cheese? tuna? I have had all of these in the last day or so and just realized maybe I shouldn't have!
5. Will I ever get to the point where I can enjoy a pregnancy without constant worry?
6. When will I start feeling sick?
7. Is my incredible sleeping habits due to pregnancy or to my supreme laziness?
8. Are these minor cramps really normal? There seems to be more when I drink/eat too much (non-alcoholic of course!)

These are all questions that run through my mind. Every time I think, 'wow, my boobs are sore' I remember that I am on progesterone and get bummed out. I just can't seem to get it all under control. I know the advice- enjoy it- but with my past it is near impossible. Don't get me wrong, I am beyond elated that this IUI worked- but I continue to be s-c-a-r-e-d.

scared shitless

Thank you all for your continued support and kind words. It is strange to be in this place that I have wanted to be in for so long. I am happy as a clam but scared as I have ever been. Yesterday while in the restroom at school a brief bit of confidence crossed my mind. Confidence that I am doing absolutely everything in my power to keep this baby and why shouldn't it work out for us... 10 minutes later- cramps like you wouldn't believe. I sat down and they lasted less than 5 minutes and then were gone. I have felt the continued bits of pulling down there, sore boobs, and exhaustion so I am not going to worry about that. I have been laying down since yesterday afternoon when I got home. I am scared to death to exert any energy at all in efforts to keep this baby. I have another week until my dr's appt and I am holding my breath until then.

FJ and I have both shared the news and thus requested the positive vibes/ prayer from our families. This includes my SIL that also deals with IF. They were pleased that we were cautious but claimed in unnecessary. I will see them today and hopefully everything will go smoothly. I feel for her in ways that she will never know and wish she was right here with me. That's all for now. I hope all is well with all of you lovely ladies. Thank you so much for continuing to read. I am here for you!

still here

Still pregnant... I am so scared that any moment this happiness will be snatched up. I wish that I was innocent in this process and I just knew that this was it. But alas, after suffering 2 losses, I am more grounded. A friend from work hounded me until I finally told her that yes, I tested and when she asked, "and....???" I nodded (so I didn't really tell her per say...). Now she won't leave me alone- asking me how I am feeling, what's next, how will they prevent me from miscarrying, etc. I told her not to ask me about it but it hasn't helped. I am going to have to say something soon because every time I talk to her she says something about being "realistic" meaning I very well could miscarry. I think she thinks she is being helpful and agreeing with me, but let's be honest- I am the only one who can use my defense mechanism. I just want the world to think good, positive thoughts for me. We told both of our mom's- mine cried, FJ's said that I couldn't lift anything when we come this weekend to clean out their POD- fine with me! We haven't told my dad or any of our siblings. One of my SIL's is experiencing IF. She is very overweight and has PCOS. Her drs have treated her like crap thus far not prescribing anything until she loses 15 pounds. She is trying her damndest to lose weight but with PCOS it is near impossible for her. Anyway, I dread telling her about this pregnancy. I just don't want her to be hurt by it. It is so weird being on this end of it. How should I tell her?
On another note, I am virtually symptom-less. My boobs hurt the slightest bit when pressed, I have streching feeling in my ut that feel like cramping some times, and I am constipated. But that's it. I want so badly to be sick sick sick. I want this pregnancy to be so viable that my hormones go completely out of whack and send me for a spin. Maybe it is too early and I should be careful for what I wish for. My OB (with REs consent) prescribed me with progesterone suppositories. Only 6 come in a pack and I have to do one per day. It cost $50 and insurance didn't cover a dime- ahhhh, insurance problems- now that's familiar.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for all of the awesome comments and well wishes. I need you all now more than ever and will be there for you as well. Thanks girls!

verdict- affirmative

I'm pregnant. I can't believe it but I am. At 3:30 this morning I woke up having to pee for the second time last night (first time was 12:30) so I decided to go ahead and take the dreaded test. I decided instead of poas, I would piac (pee in a cup) and dip the stick. I dipped the stick and it immediately turned positive. The funny thing is I didn't even know it was positive until I looked at the box to see what this brand (I think it was First Response) symbol of choice is. I usually look for the + symbol with Equate brand so imagine my surprise when all I needed to see was a line in each window! Holy crap!

Of course I feel crampy and doubtful but excited all at the same time. This is the first time a pregnancy test has been clear enough for us to be sure, but at the same time, I am slightly crampy on and off. I know I am by no means out of the woods. I am, however, trying to be optimistic and enjoy this for every second that it is real.

First dr's appt is Nov. 6- election day.

Prayer request

I took my first HCG shot 17 days ago. I believe I ovulated 2.5 days later. First IUI 16 days ago. Second IUI 15 days ago.

14dpo- sticky cm, sort of sore boobs, twinges in abdomen, insomnia at night, nap during day, not teary or crying at commericials like "usual"

Allowing hope to creep in but very, very scared about even admitting that. I will know either way on Monday. What's worse than waiting until Monday? Waiting until Monday and still getting a BFN. Please pray for me.

certifiably insane

First of all, thank you for all of your advice and answers to my questions. I have put the thermometer away until I am trying to detect ovulation next. My conference was okay- didn't learn much that I didn't already know but got some good ideas that will hopefully not be too much work to implement. I met some good people but of course the, "do you have kids?" question came up time and time again. Usually I give some long drawn out answer, but "no" with no explanation is all I could muster. My friend that I went with (fertile myrtle) and I talked a lot about what I am going through. She doesn't really seem to get it and scoffs that I know so much about my cycle. I love her dearly but I think that she is uncomfortable talking about IF and therefore comes across as curt and uncaring. She did recognize the stress I am under though which is a start.

I think I have mentioned before that stress manifests in my sleep habits. So being away from home at 11 and 12 dpo was way stressful for me. I barely slept at all. Last night I convinced myself in my half asleep state that if I thought about my period that I would not get pregnant this month. I woke up to myself holding my nose and swallowing (like I have done to get rid of hiccups) because I thought it would erase my period obsessed thoughts. Then, later in the night, I woke up to Fertile Mytley yelling at me to go back to bed because I was grabbing at her foot. I had walked across the room to her bed and grabbed her foot. At least she has a sense of humor and I had previously told her about my sleep issues. I barely slept the rest of the night because I was convinced I would do something insane- I know- too late!

The day time doesn't seem to be as bad as the nights. At least I am back at home now. Part of me wishes that AF would hurry up and get here so I can stay grounded. As it is I am letting hope enter my mind and I don't want that. I hate hope. It sucks and makes me feel worse when the inevitable arrives.

I do know that when she arrives- I am going back to the gym and working out hard core for the beginning of my cycle. I feel like a sloth right now but can't bring myself to jeapordize my 2ww by working out. I have been walking the dog but I usually don't feel better until I have broken a sweat. So- that's the goal- get back in shape- if she arrives.

2 stories...

You are all right... symptoms don't mean anything, but still- am I the only one to focus in on everything that my body is doing in these 2 weeks? It sucks! I couldn't sleep last night because I kept thinking AF was coming. Its now 10dpo and I decided to take my temp this a.m. It is is still high but not tri-phasic. I just hate the 2ww. Hate it hate it hate it HATE IT! I have a few questions for you all...
1. If you temp, do you continue to temp through the 2ww?
2. For those of you "early" testers, when do you start testing?
3. Would you rather AF arrive, your temp drop, or get a BFN to find out that the cycle was a bust?
4. Do you obsess like I do about every little twinge that happens in the 2ww?
I am with r&r in that I HATE testing. Both of my pregnancies were the palest pregnancy tests ever. Now I obsess and obsess about "that line" and I always imagine that I see a second line. I am SO envious of Von for getting such a bright and shiny BFP- no doubt about that one! Good for you girl! You give me hope! And people always say it isn't the shade of the line- a line is a line- but I will only feel decent about a pregnancy if I get a 'no doubt about it' BFP.
Anyway, to distract myself I will tell you 2 stories... 1 is short and sweet and the other I could tell you forever...
#1 How I became a teacher...
I have wanted to teach since I was 2 years old. No lie. I remember my brother going to pre-school (he is 18 months older than me) and I wanted to go too. My mom actually potty trained me in 1 day because I couldn't go to nursery school if I wasn't. Anyway, as soon as I met my brother's teacher, I played school. That's like the only "game" I would play and I would always play the teacher. People told me my whole life that I would change my mind. According to them, no one decides what they want to do when they are 2. But I didn't. I went to Longwood College which is primarily a teaching school. My dad told me not to freak if I changed my mind about my major. I didn't. Then when I started, I was again warned that some people change their mind once in the real world. I didn't. I have been teaching now for 11 years and I don't plan to stop. The only job I ever consider changing over too is something in curriculum and development. But I think I'd miss teaching too much.
#2 What made us want to start trying...
Even before FJ and I were married, we talked about waiting about a year to start trying to conceive. Little did we know that the pill was a total waste of our money and all of the "scares" we had were a waste of energy! After about 15 months of being married (2 years ago this month), we started trying. I can remember the first time we did it without a condom. FJ was scared shitless. I think he really believed that that would be all it took. I, on the other hand, had an incling that it might take a "few months". Needless to say I did not get a bfp that month- or the next, or the next. So here we are- 2 years later and praying for a miracle.
I will answer the wedding question next time! I am off to Williamsburg for a conference and will check in Wed. night. I will be hoping and praying for all of you who plan to test this week! I hope with all hopes that this is it for at least one of us!

How we met...

All of my so called symptoms have vanished. Poof- gone. I am no longer experiencing creamy cm or sore boobs or well anything. It sucks. Hope is out the window. I have one more week until doomsday. Or possibly earlier... I can't test until then but AF certainly will wear out her welcome by dropping in a few days earlier than that. The question is, where will she appear? No matter how I prepare myself, I will be crushed. To have paid about $2000 for this cycle out of pocket, take off hours and days from work, and to put my body through pills, shots, internal temping etc, surely this will be the most crushing visit yet. If she appears at school- that'll suck- no where to hide. If she appears in Williamsburg while at my teaching conference Tuesday or Wednesday- that'll suck- I am sharing a room with a very fertile woman. If she appears anywhere, I will be deeply deeply crushed.

Today I am having a pampered chef party. I have about 10 friends coming. One of whom is my bff who just recently told me she is pregnant. She is about 11 weeks now and I am not sure if it is for public knowledge or not. I dread her telling others in my presence. How selfish am I? I just have already expressed my "happiness" to her and now I fear others checking out my reaction. I am one of those people who wears my "heart on my sleeve". It is so obvious by my facial expressions and change in tone that I am uncomfortable or sad or whatever. No matter how I try to fake it, its obvious and I don't want it to be awkward for her or me. I love her like a sister and want desperately to be happy for her but want even more desperately to be with her in this.

R&R asked me to describe how FJ and I met (in hopes of keeping my mind off of the 2ww) so here goes...
FJ and I taught at the same school about 7 years ago. People knew I was single (one of the few single teachers in my school at the time) so they were telling me to keep my eye out for the "cute new science teacher". When I met him, I thought he was cute, but noticed he had latched onto a bunch of new teachers (I had been teaching for 3 years at this point) and I didn't think I could handle trying to get "in" with him while keeping a professional relationship. We had absolutely no reason to cross each other's paths so soon I forgot about him.
I knew that FJ was a runner (I don't remember how I knew this but I did) and I was training for my first marathon. So whenever I ran into him, we would talk about running. He was mucho impressed with my running dedication and asked lots of questions. Still, I just thought he was a nice guy and would never be interested in a colleague. That winter he cornered me when we were going out for bus duty. He said, "Can I talk to you after duty?" I pathetically and egotistically thought he was going to ask me out. I said, "sure" but was thinking, "shit- I don't want to date him- he's a colleague, I will have to say no." Ha! When we talked that afternoon he asked me if I wanted to coach track with him. I felt like such a heal. I remember going out to dinner with my friends last night and telling them how stupid I felt.
So track season began and we were coaching side by side becoming good friends. We went running together every day after practice and then would go out to a bar and drink beer and smoke cigarrettes. We were such the cliche and we thrived on it! Finally after a few weeks of "friends" we hooked up. Both of our groups of friends were thrilled that we were finally admitting our feelings for one another.
So we dated for about 2 years and then FJ found out that his national guard unit was being deployed to Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. He would be gone a year with limited communication with home. With the stress of that upon us, we broke up. It was the longest and hardest 6 weeks of my life. I knew I would never get on with my life. Finally, he realized it too and we got back together, only to have him leave 3 days later for a year. It was the best thing that ever happened to us. Although we got back together on a whim and didn't know how we'd do apart, we became closer than ever through love letters.
When FJ returned in November of 2003, we knew we'd be together forever. We got engaged in December of that year and married 7 months later and the rest is history. We have been through more than the average couple and have stuck it through. I love him more than anything in the world!!!!
Sorry that was so long and probably very random, but it felt good to rekindle those memories. Thanks r&r for asking. What else do you guys want to know??? :)

6,7 dpiui, 5 dpo, day 3 of 2ww

I am so not doing a good job distracting myself from the 2ww. I think its because so many people keep asking me how I feel and when I will find out etc. I was pretty much forced to tell a few choice colleagues since I had to miss 2 half days and a full day for IUI stuff and I am sure that many of them have shared with others. So I am constantly thinking about how I do feel and if it could've worked and trying to stay grounded and realistic...
I hate that I had to take a half dosage (what is that- 500 iu?) of HCG Monday so clearly what I am feeling is side effects of that. But just to document...
I feel like I wet my pants all day long because I am just plain wet down there.
I keep feeling twingy things in my belly.
I woke up with sore nipples.
I gagged picking up poop in the yard and kept gagging until I made myself go inside and hung my head in the toilet bowl. (I always feel this way when picking up poop but I'm in the 2ww so I feel 'different' about it now.)
I am just hopeful that these next few weeks fly by and I can move on.

My BFF is preggers

My best friend is pregnant. It was bound to happen and it did. She has always been my rock- the person I could turn to when AF arrived to go out for a beer or six. We sort of stopped doing that when my treatment became more serious and she mentioned that she was going off of the pill. I miss the blowouts but I am glad they ended months ago instead of an abrupt stop right now. She cried when she told me which made me cry. She says she wants me there with her (pregnant also) and I told her maybe I would be. It isn't as devastating as I thought it would be. She knows what we are going through and she is 100% there for me. Why should it be any different me for her? She is due May 4. I hope with all I have that I am pregnant before then. I will have to give her a shower- I am sure of it and it would be easier if I were pregnant too.

On another note, I was watching Jeff and Kate plus Eight (Jeff??? I forget his name) and got really freaked out about Kate's post-pregnancy belly. It was dis-gust-ing! Of course I don't plan on having sixtuplets after having twins but still. It freaked me out. I would love to have multiples though- doesn't freak me out in the least. Everyone I tell this looks at me like I am so naive. The way I look at it is if we had more than one, we could stop treatment after having finally gone through a complete pregnancy resulting in a birth (or two...) and just enjoy our family. I am afraid that FJ and I will always want a big family no matter what our outcome is and it would be easier (ha- yeah right) if they all came at once. Don't get me wrong- I don't want to be one of those women on the news about their million-tuplets, but twins or triplets would be nice. Shoot- a singleton would be terrific- I shouldn't put the cart before the horse. Am I the only one who feels this way? How do you feel about the prospect of multiples?

Today's ultrasound went fine. I guess they were checking to make sure my ovaries weren't overstimulated (they weren't) before giving me an addition dose of HCG. My 2ww actually begins today because it will take that long for the hcg to safely be out of my system. Of course I can get AF before that but for now I am hoping for a quick 2 weeks leading to- well you know.

We got several mailings from insurance today. One of them was actually good news. They paid for my HSG test! Miraculous! After not paying for the SA, I thought for sure they wouldn't pay for my testing. That's $2500 bucks we don't have to pay. Wahoo- go insurance for finally stepping up to the plate!!!

Back to school tomorrow. I don't have any appointments this week so my students will be glad (or mad) to have me back semi-permanently. I have a conference in Williamsburg, VA Tuesday and Wednesday of next week so I will be out again (I should've said no I didn't want to go but at the time I thought it'd be fun). So that's all for now from me.

I have been tagged

Road Blocks and Rollercoasters tagged me so now I am going to write about 8 random things that most people (especially you guys) don't know about me. I love this kind of thing so I am so thankful to r&r that I have been tagged!!!
1. I am a die hard Washington Redskins fan. I grew up with my mother screaming at the television and the dog hiding behind the couch every Sunday when they were on. I am proud to say that my dog hides behind the couch these days as well.
2. I have been hypnotised 3 times. All 3 were in college by a famous hypnotis named Tom DeLuca. He would come to my college and people would line up for hours just to get a seat. The first time I was picked at random, the second I made a huge sign that said, "Pick me!" and he did. I don't remember what I did to get picked the third time. I was infamous around campus because of it- people were dying to get up on that stage.
3. I have run 3 marathons. Yese, full 26.2 mile marathons in my life. I started running when I was 12 and wanted to lose weight. I remember my step-dad who was at the time dating my mother taking me out and buying me running shoes. I couldn't run a mile without stopping at the time. In high school I ran track and crosscountry and was the captain of both my senior year. I continued to run in college (just recreation) and then decided to bite the bullet and run the big race. I have run the New Orleans Marathon once and Richmond Marathon twice.
4. I sleepwalk like crazy. It's not really walking (that would be too easy and gentle), its more like sleep do stuff. Once I woke FJ up prying his eyes open with my fingers telling him he had worms crawling out of them. Talk about freaking him out!!! Imagine waking up to your signicant other's fingers in your eyes! I also have pushed him out of bed while he is asleep screaming that a boat was falling through the ceiling.
5. I won a costume contest once. My 5 best gal pals and I dressed up like "Prince's Greatest hits". I was Purple Rain (I wore a rain suit painted purple, held a purpole umbrella with streamers, and slicked my hair back (wet look) with purple hair gel) and my friends were "Most Beautiful Girl in the World, Little Red Corvette, Party Like its 1999, and Diamonds and Pearls. We all had cd name tags to peopple knew what we were. It was an awesome costume and I highly recommend it for those of you that are thinking of a group costume.
6. I spent some time suspended in high school. Overall I was a good girl/ athlete. I got raging mad, however, at my behind the wheel teacher in driver's ed and screamed ,"Fuck You!!!" and flicked him off once we got back to school after our first behind the wheel drive. Looking back, I still think I handled myself appropriately. He was a total jerk!
7. My father is a multi-millionaire. He didn't have money when I was growing up or when he was married to my mom. But he has worked his butt off and has become rich beyond my wildest dreams. He's not exactly stingy with his money but he doesn't share it either. He does pay for FJ and I to fly down to Vero Beach once a year. I was hoping that he would offer to pay for our IF treatments and he stil might- but no luck yet... I think he things that we are just trying to "speed up the process".
8. I have clothes in my closet that are a size 4 and closthes that are a size 12. My weight fluctuates so much that I could wear one size at the beginning of a month and be 3 sizes greater by the end. IF has really magnified this. It seems when AF arrives, I go into diet mode thinking- if I am not pregnant, at least I can look good. By the time the 2ww roles around I think, "what if I am pregnant" and I eat like a pig (like I am eating for 5!). I wish I wasn't like this. I wish that I wasn't obsessed with food, but I am.

Anything else you want to know? This was fun!

As far as wehat's going on in the IF front- not much. I just went out to dinner with my dad and as I said in #7, he commented that we were trying to speed up the process of conceiving. He didn't mean anything by it- was just clarifying what we were doing. FJ said I handled it well- I mentioned that I didn't think we could possibly speed it up any more since it has been 2 long years. I felt a little sick earlier but its way too soon to tell anything at this point so I am sure it was nothing. I am still cautiously optimistic though. Ultrasound and hcg tomorrow to make sure my eggies dropped.

Now I need to tag someone (how many someones???) so I tag Fertilize Me (otherwise known as Orange Glaze Cinnamin Bun Dogwood) and Von. I love both of their blogs to pieces and want to know more about them as people. So tag girls, you're it!

Attempt to by pass the insanity

I am one of those cheeseball girls that actually like activities such as the one below so send them my way! In an effort to be good and not obsess about my current but brand new 2ww- I would love to do them!

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet & current car)Muffin Honda
2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (favorite ice cream flavor, favorite cookie)Peanut Butter Chocolate Nutter Butter
3. YOUR “FLY GIRLl” NAME: (first initial of first name, first 3 letters of last name)M-Gil
4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal),Yellow Dog
5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born) Lynn Fayettville
6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first),Gil-Mi
7. SUPERHERO NAME: (”The” + 2nd favorite color, favorite drink),The Orange Bud Light
8. NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers),Douglas Louis
9. STRIPPER NAME: ( the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy) Orange Ginger, Snickers
10.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s & father’s middle names ),Paterson Louis
11. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME: (Your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter),Kingsbury Kansas City
12. SPY NAME: (your favorite season/holiday, flower).Spring Tulip
13. CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now + “ie” or “y”)Apple Shirtie
14. HIPPY NAME: (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree)Cereal Crape Myrtle
15. YOUR ROCKSTAR TOUR NAME: (”The” + Your fave hobby/craft, fave weather + “Tour”)
The Step Aerobics Tour
Okay, that wasn't as fun as I thought it would be. So here I go with current stats while in my 2ww...
I had atleast 3 dreams last night that I am pregnant (each time with a different amount of babies...). I woke up early to take my temperature and it never beeped that it was done- so after counting to 225 (I have this habit of counting while I wait), I removed the thermometer and just decided to go with the current temp- 98.26 (yesterday was 97.72) so it looks like I probably ovulated. I will keep taking it for a few more days before I am sure but that would make sense since I had the trigger Wed. a.m. Oh well, send more fun 'keep my mind off of the 2ww' survey thingys my way!

Today's IUI and other randomness

Thank you Amanda for the info on St Gerard - Patronage childbirth; children; expectant mothers; falsely accused people; good confessions; lay brothers; motherhood; mothers; Muro, Italy; pregnant women; pro-life movement; unborn children. I am excited that MIL is now on our side.

Today's IUI went off without a hitch and I took the whole day off so now I am relaxing with the puppies. FJ's counts were half of what they were yesterday, but still well over the minimum. I felt crampy and yicky last night for a while. FJ brought me dinner in bed (I think this was so he could watch the Yankee's game without feeling guilty). Today I feel about the same so I am glad that I took the day off. Don't get me wrong- I'd have been fine going back to work, but I felt like I deserved a day. Not only that, but the appt. was at 10:30 and with being a teacher- having a sub for the middle of the day would've been confusing.

This a.m. as I was getting ready I smelled urine. I went into the guest room and our oldest puppy (9 month old) peed all over the bed. Now, if it was later in the cycle, I'd have thought that Von had shared her wee- bit o' luck with me, but its too early. It was strange though- he NEVER has accidents. We have noticed that he is not drinking a lot of water lately and even after sleeping 8 hours, doesn't run down to pee. Maybe there is something wrong? Maybe he can sense the craziness of the past few weeks? I don't know, I hope he's not sick.

I got an email from my SIL (the one with the baby) and she asked if I'd ever considered accupuncture. I haven't. I have heard good things about it, but don't have a clue if there is anyone in Richmond, VA who does that or how much it costs or anything. Have any of you ladies done it? What's it like? What's it cost? My temp went up .25 today. They said it would be too early for it to go up. I took the HCG shot 48 hours ago though so I don't get that. I hope it shoots up tomorrow! I am looking forward to getting back to having sex again- its been almost a week- its so weird to be at the fertile time and not being able to have sex! That's all for now- sorry for the randomness...- I am off to be one with my couch. :)

One down, one to go... Hopefully just one...

I did it. I did my first IUI. FJ went this a.m. for his "deposit" at the clinic and he said this time there were women in the waiting room. He was so embarrassed. He was, however, very excited when he remembered a favorite line from the Adam Sandler movie (was it Billy Madison) when he asks what day it is and then exclaims, "October, NUDEY MAGAZINE DAY!!!". He felt that this was quite appropriate for what he was about to do. Anyway, when we got to the clinic this afternoon- the specimen was already washed and ready. It looked like about 1/2 a teaspoon full and FJ was like, "I thought I put more in than that...". I explained the whole washing, spinning thing and he felt better. Then nurse Kim came in and said that FJ's count was 216 million! (20 million is considered normal.) Dr. Strango came in and repeated this fact which tells me that they both thought this was a good sign. I asked Dr. Strango if he knew the morphology and he said no, they don't check for that. But... if FJ is still at 1% morphology- 1% of 216 million is still good according to him! So now of course we are excited. It sucks too because I don't want to get my hopes up... I digress... the procedure itself was easy. I felt a tiny pinch when the catheter was inserted through the cervix but it was all finished in like 2 minutes. I had to lay there for 10 minutes and then I was on my way. Dr. Strango said there are no restrictions but I am laying here anyway milking it for all its worth. My arse is sore from the trigger yesterday and my insides just feel a little bit off so I feel like I deserve it. Tomorrow a.m. we go for IUI#2. I will take my temperature in the a.m. to see if I have ovulated yet. I am crampy like ovulating now so we'll see.
On another note... A big congratulations to Von. If you haven't stopped by to read her story- you should.
On an even different note... we got a package from my MIL yesterday. I guess her way of saying she does support us with IUI and IVF is by sending us each small silver medallions with St. Gerard (patron saint of something having to do with babies) with our names engraved on the back. FJ and I both agree that this is huge. She must feel bad for what she said Sunday and be ready to accept that this is our fate. I am so happy about this!

IUI#1 is a go!

The dildo cam hurt a bit today- don't know why... Not hurt- hurt but definitely felt a few twinges of ouchiness. I am scheduled for IUI#1 tomorrow at 2:30 and IUI#2 Friday at 10:30. I am really surprised that it is this soon in my cycle since with clomid I don't ovulate until cd 19-20 and I am only on cd 14. I guess that is what the follitism did? Sped up the process so that the follies are bigger sooner and ready to pop?? Does this mean that I will AF/ dreaded test day be earlier than my usual 32 days? If I o tomorrow- will my luteal phase be the usual 12 days giving me a 27 day cycle? Anyway, its hard not to be hopeful but I am trying to keep it together...
The results:
Left- 2 follies (20, 12)
Right- 3 follies (20, 16, 13)
Lining- 9
He said that the 3 larger ones were my best bets. The 13 one in the right ovary does have a visible egg though. FJ makes his deposit tomorrow a.m. at 8:00 and they will wash it and deliver it to the clinic so its ready for me at 2:30. I also had a pap smear appt for tomorrow at 3:00 but although Dr. Strango said it would be okay to do a pap after IUI, he hesitated before he said it so FJ and I opted to reschedule.
Thanks for your comments- its crazy how much some of us have in common (MIL = Catholic). I think she is most concerned about the frozen transfers and the choosing of the best embryos. It's not for her to decide though. My mom made a good point- the same God that gave us life, gave us scientists with the ability to help couples with IF. I am not letting it get to me.

He quit!!!

He did it! He quit smoking. It's been a week now and absolutely positively no nicotine! I hope this helps his count. He was a grumpy jerk last week while trying to quit and I think I was grumpy too. I honestly didn't think FJ would make it the weekend without breaking down. He called me both nights though and exclaimed how proud he was of himself and wanted me to be proud too (I am!). He is in a really good mood about it now and I can't really figure out why. He is more talkative and silly than ever and I just love it. He did say last night that he wishes he could be a "social smoker". I was like- let's give the quit thing some time and see how you feel later (of course hoping that he decides he likes the quit thing!).

While FJ was home, he talked with his parents about our IF situation. His parents are very close-lipped and hardly ever talk about personal things. FJ's mom- Rose- told him that she was against IVF for religious reasons (she's catholic). I know this made FJ feel bad, but he stuck up for us and told them they didn't have to make this decision when starting their family. They got pregnant easily 4 times and had 4 kids- we have no other option. Good for you FJ! You tell them! FJ said that he hopes we don't get to that point. I don't either but I am not holding out hope. A less than 5% chance really sucks but it is reality. At least we both know we are doing all we can to improve our chances.