9w, 3d

I have the world's worst headache! Yesterday at school I filled my water bottle and stirred in my crystal lite packet and took a sip. Bleachhh.... I used to be 100% addicted to diet coke in the morning by weaning myself months ago with fruit punch crystal lite. Yesterday I realized I didn't like it anymore! So I went without a drink for the whole day- truly amazing for me! (Not that that is good.) When I got home from work I drank some water, limeade, and milk from my cereal snack but I am feeling the dehydrating effects today. I feel like I have a not-enough-caffiene headache. I think it most likely because I didn't drink enough yesterday.

We had our OB dr's appt today. It went very very well. We had the same ultrasound technician that we had the last 2 pregnancies and she is the sweetest little lady. She told us she had bee working as an u/s tech for 37 years and is not doing u/s for babies that she did u/s on when they were inutero. How cool is that? She asked us lots of questions about clomid and past pregnancies etc and made me pretty nervous. But them she inserted the all too familiar dildo-cam and walahh- there he/she was. Baby is measuring 9 weeks 3 days which is right on from my u/s 3 weeks ago. The heartbeat was 176!! What a glorious number! My OB talked a lot about what we will experience throughout the pregnancy and I have to say I am confused. We go in 3 weeks (Dec. 18) for a physical and to try to listen to the heartbeat from the outside. He also recommended that we go to a high risk dr. to do a finger prick test for early detection of down's syndrome. FJ and I will have to talk seriously about if we even want to do this test since we have already decided that no matter what- we will have this baby. We will not terminate no matter what the results.

Anyway, FJ is telling his fellow administrative staff today that I am pregnant. I can't wait to hear their reactions. I have told about 5 people at work and a few good friends. He has only told good friends and our family. We compromised that the cat will be officially out of the bag 2 weeks from today. That will be close enough to 12 weeks and will be more than 12 weeks since my last period. I hope we can make it 3 more weeks to hear the baby's heartbeat!!!

Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I spent the long weekend in Northern Virginia with FJ's family. My parents shared dinner with us and a few friends stopped by to say hello. It was nice and now I dread going back to work. Tomorrow- work- bleachhh...

Tuesday a.m. I have my dr's appt. I keep pressing my breasts to make sure they still hurt and being quietly thankful whenever I feel like dry heaving. I just worry that I will have a repeat of last year in the ob's office. I don't think I can handle it- I really can't. Last year at this time I remember driving to work a few days before my 9 weeks appt and thinking that it could be the best or the very worst week of my life. Not only was my ob's appt Wednesday, but I was also finding out that Friday if I achieved National Board Certification for teaching. So Wednesday came and went and we all know how that turned out. Thursday a miracle came via email saying that my NB scores wouldn't be available until December. Divine intervention! I knew that I hadn't achieved and didn't know how I would handle all of the bad news in a week. Sure enough weeks later, I got my bad news- hadn't passed. I decided to pursure it again.

So here we are in the same place. Last week I reminded myself of this when I got an email that scores would be posted Friday. I thought again, this could be the best month of my life or the very worst. How can I handle more bad news? My scores came and thank the good Lord above- I achieved. Now I hope that we continue this good news trend and I can get good news Tuesday.

Please oh please give me good news Tuesday!

8 weeks

Hi everyone. I am so sorry I have been MIA lately. It is just such a weird feeling to be pregnant. I started this blog to meet up with an awesome community to get me through (and help others get through) the sucky world of IF. But now I feel like I don't want to lose you girls but I am pregnant so don't want to make anyone feel bad. It's a really strange feeling. I have been a member of some yahoo groups for years now and I haven't posted their either except to announce. I always thought that I would want to be an active member in the grad group- but even that doesn't seem like the right place for me since I am so newly pregnant. But I miss you girls and I went through and read your blogs and I realized that I still need you. In reading my 12 loyal blog friends blogs, I cried 3 times. 2 announced pregnancies and 1 great fertilization result! I just realized that I am still apart of the IF life and would like to see everyone of my friends who have to go through it- beat it. Anyway, I just wanted to say, I am back and am happy to be here....

As for my pregnancy- things are going well. Most days I am sick as a dog and can barely make it through the work day. I am so happy for these sick feelings. I am exhausted and fall asleep most days on the couch and crawl up to bed before 9 (not before applying my prog. supp.!). The past few days I have been having a hard time driving home. I just feel like I am going to vomit all over myself. I have had to call FJ once and my mom once just to keep my mind off of my dry heaving. I am pretty sure it is from a mild cold that I have developed with the change of the weather and the post nasaly stuff. I will be happy when my next u/s is here (11/27) and I see my baby. I pray with everything I have that we will get good news. I still have a phobia that all of the symptoms I feel are from the progesterone and are all fake. I hope my body is producing some of the hormones however.

On another note- FJ and I went through a really rough patch last weekend. Some of you remember that I asked FJ to quit smoking about 7 weeks ago and he did. Well, I thought he did. I found a cigarrette in his fleece jacket I borrowed and confronted him about it. He lied to me and said that he bummed one from our neighbor. This pissed me off royally that he would go to our neighbor for a cigarrette but then I realized that the cig. was FJ's brand- not some obscure brand that I am guessing my quirky neighbor smokes. So anyway, I flipped and I believe rightly so. He lied to me the whole time- never quit- never went one day without a cigarrette. Even when he went up the Yankee's game the weekend he quit and hung out with his buddies and came home claiming how proud I should be of him- he had smoked the whole time. I threatened to leave. I told him our marriage is over- not because of smoking but because of the lying. It scares me to death that FJ could look me in the eye and lie many, many times and I had no idea. I actually went around and bragged about how he had quit cold turkey. I am some what over it now- still upset- but getting over it. FJ got a dose of reality which he needed. He says that he never once considered the fact that he was lying to his wife and only thought that I would be more angry if I knew he was smoking. He will have to quit before the baby is born because I don't want to be the parents that put the baby down to smoke. It just doesn't seem right. It's a bummer that he hasn't quit- it scares me that he never will but he has to. I worry more about the lying and pray that FJ is finally telling me the truth when he says he will never lie again. I told him that everyone slips up and lies once in a while but he better tell me the truth immediately and I better not ever catch him in a lie!

Sorry this is turned into such a long blog. I will post more often now! I hope all is well with all of you and can't wait for you to update!

Today's the day... (updated- ultrasound results)

Here we go. Today is the day. I will post this afternoon (or earlier if I can get on) and tell the results either way. Please keep us in your thoughts today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Updated: We saw one sac and one baby. A teeny tiny little fluttering heart. The dr. said everything looks healthy and on track. I am 6w4d along. Next appt- Nov. 27 at 9 a.m. with my OB. I hope I don't have any panic attacks in the meantime. I promise not to blog only about my worries now. I am breathing a little easier but know that I still need to be cautious. Thank you thank you thank you to all of you for your well wishes. I truly don't know where I'd be without you! :)

TMITMITMI WAAAAAAAAAAY TMI!

Its a good thing that I am a nerd and always read all of the literature that comes with my meds. For this reason I was aware of a "strange" side effect of progesterone suppositories that I was not fortunate to experience until today... I went to the restroom at about 9 a.m. and boom- there it was.... (here comes the waaaaaayyyyyyyy tmi) chunky, white cottage cheesy vaginal discharge. Disgusting! I wiped and wiped and after several attempts, it disappeared and hasn't come back since (thank the good Lord). Anyway, I am worried that this discharge is going to show itself again while at the RE tomorrow- embarrassing!

I continued to feel like crap all day today. Its definitely worse during the work week. I don't know if its because I am not eating as much during the day or its just from working. Nonetheless, I am not complaining.

Tomorrow is u/s day. I am hoping and praying with all I've got that we see a heartbeat. I am taking a half day at work and have told the few people I know that if they don't see me to expect the worst. If I go in, all will be good. Please oh please be good news!!!!!!!!!!

6 weeks!

I broke down and looked at a calendar to see exactly how many weeks since my last period. Last Wed. I was six weeks. Wow. Six weeks. I just hope something is still growing inside of me. The day after the progesterone situation I did my suppository at noon. Then I did my regular dosage at 10 p.m. which is when I usually do it. All that afternoon and evening I felt ill. Not crampy finally but nauseaus. I attributed to doubling up on progesterone. That's when I looked at the calendar. I haven't felt well since which I am hoping is a good sign. Its nausea that I wanted and its nausea that I have. I can't eat large portions like I am used to and if I go more than 30 minutes without drinking anything I feel as though I might die. But I am happy about it! I keep telling FJ that I feel sick and he keeps saying, "good". I completely agree.

Our 6 month pupply Clementine got fixed yesterday. I am spending my day chasing her around and keeping her off the furniture. She is feeling great and keeps looking at me funny when I tell her no (we usually let her up on the couch with us). Her brother, Guinness, is lounging on the furniture, jumping around and Clementine keeps expecting me to fuss at him. Anyway, that's all the update I have for now. I have my dr's appt on Tuesday a.m. and am hoping to see good things in there. I am praying so hard for this one. I just want to know that it will all be okay...