100th post!

I can't believe that it has been almost a year since I started this blog and that I have officially posted 100 posts! Amazing! So much has changed in the year and throughout the 100 posts. Looking back, I never thought I'd be where I am today. A year ago I was frustrated and hopeful but definitely frustrated. Month after month of BFN's with 2 miscarriages under my belt, I wouldn't have thought I would have a beautiful baby girl. Wow, hard to believe.

We made reservations to fly with T to Vermont the first week of September. My BI is running a half marathon and we are going to spectate. FJ is one of 4 kids. 3 of them are very successful, attractive, athletic, and smart. This VT BIL struggles at most things he does and seems very different than his siblings. He is always supportive of FJ and I in whatever we do and travels to visit on a whim. We felt that it was important to travel to VT to cheer him on. We thought we'd drive but a 12 hour drive with an infant didn't sound fun. I think we will be fine flying. I have heard that we should feed her when we get on the plane in hopes that the sucking prevents her ears from popping. Although I am breastfeeding, I plan to bring several bottles just in case. I am excited to get away but anxious about flying with T.

We started introducing T to the bottle a few days ago. She took to it very easily. Now she takes one a day of expressed breast milk- usually her dinnertime feeding. Although I have to pump when she eats, it is a relief that FJ can feed her. It breaks up the monotony in a way. We went out on Saturday to have dinner with some friends. It was great because when T woke up (she slept in her carseat most of the time), FJ fed her and I didn't have to feel awkward for breastfeeding. I am not quite that confident yet!

T seems to have caught a little cold. She has yellow mucus coming out of her eye (we think this may be a clogged duct) and sounds congested. She is snorting a little and seems to be breathing loudly when she eats. No fever though so I am hoping that it is pretty minor and will pass. I called the pediatrician and she is calling me back. Poor little thing! She sounds so silly when she is snorting!

FJ and I went to an open enrollment meeting today to change to a family plan for our insurance. We have always had an HMO (low cost option) but now are being encouraged to switch to the PPO which is significantly more expensive but probably cost effective with a child. We were asked by the woman who was trying to help us if we plan to have more kids in the near future. Its so strange to think of trying to get pregnant again. I am so happy with T and she is absolutely the best thing that has ever happened to us but we can't help but think that we don't want to waste anytime or opportunities to get pregnant again. Looking over the insurance plans, I realized that perhaps the testing and ultrasounds, meds, etc may be covered with the PPO as opposed to paying out of pocket which we did to get T. Its crazy to think that we might have to start all that over again. Not looking forward to that!

Thursday is my 6 week pp appt. I can't wait to be given the go-ahead to live my life like a "normal" person again!

Never mind on the password!!!

I feel like a big dummy! I got on this a.m. to password protect this blog and went under settings. There is a setting that asks if you want search engines to find your blog. I changed it to no and now you can't find it when you google T's name! So I am not going to password protect it after all!!! So if you don't want to be google accessible- go under settings and change it to read NO.

Anyhow, T is going through a fussy faze right now. She is crying for hours on end with no relief. She seems to calm for a few moments when you try something new (stick you finger in her mouth, put her in the B.jorn, change positions, walk around with her) but overall she is fussy fussy fussy! This a.m. FJ went to work for a few hours and I could not calm her down. I am trying to keep her on a routine of eating every 3 hours during the day but I had to breakdown and feed her at 2.5 hours twice. I know she is still so little but I am such a routine person that I was hoping an early start would work for her. Not-so-much.

I am having a lot of anxiety about SID.S right now. I am freaking out about the house being too hot, too cold, too anything. Last night after T's bath FJ and I had a talk about it. He feels as if I am going behind his every move and changing things (turning the fan off, telling him to put a shirt on her, etc., etc.,) and I feel like I could never live with myself if we missed something and something happened to her. I have become the overprotective mom and I don't want to be but I can't help myself. I love this little girl more than I ever knew was imaginable and can't stand the thought of not being able to save her. Any advice on this? I feel so guilty because I trust FJ and know that he wants what is best for T but it is really hard not to be overprotective even when he has her.

Anyway, now that the crawlers have updated goo.gle- here are some long awaited pics of Baby T!!!

Going to password protected...

I think I am going to go to a password protected blog. I really want to post pics of T and not have to talk in code about her. If you want the password- send me an email to guinnentine@mac.com. I haven't set it up yet but will wait about a week to see who wants the password and send it out all at once. I hope to be able to keep in touch with all of you!!! :)

4 weeks!

Baby T will be one month on Saturday! In some ways it feels like years since my water broke but it doesn't seem like T could possibly have been here for a whole month! I think she has hit another growth spurt as she is eating like a banchy yesterday and today. I had gotten the point where she was eating every 3 hours but today she is 1.5-2. Its physically exhausting but I am perservering. We still haven't introduced T to a bottle and as the weeks go by- I am wondering when we will get to that point. Its not because I don't want to- its because by the time we are considering it- she is awake and hungry and it seems like such a process to heat the bottle, feed her, and clean up. It is so much easier to just 'whip it out'! Besides I would most likely pump while feeding her so what's the point if I don't have to go through the rigom and roll yet??? I admire those who can do it all- right now its just not for me!

Maybe TMI ahead... I had stopped bleeding about a week ago and went to wearing panty liners for the minimal discharge. Yesterday I woke up with a p.l. full of blood. This has continued through today. I don't have any cramps and the bleeding has not gotten any heavier (still just wearing a p.l.) and it doesn't feel like my period but is it? It has been 4 weeks since T was born and they say that you can have your first menstruation around this time. I am 100% breastfeeding which usually inhibits menstruation but I can't decide what I have done to increase bleeding. I have taken it easy the last 2 days (no walks or anything) to see if it stops but it has continued. Any thoughts???

On another note, T has gotten bigger. She has almost outgrown the NB diapers and can fit into some 0-3 month clothes (as opposed to her itty bitty NBs). It is very exciting to see her grow but I do wish she'd slow down!

Today I got out of the house without T and left her with FJ (only 2 more weeks of him being home with me:( ) to get a pedicure and eyebrow wax. It was much needed and much appreciated. I read a book in the fabulous massage chair and thanked my lucky stars that I have a husband who insisted that I do this today.

I am counting down the days until my 6 week post partum appt. I am praying that Dr. C gives me the go-ahead to exercise. I am itching to get out there and run. FJ bought me the I.P.od attachment that goes in the N.ike shoe and the shoes to go with. I absolutely can't wait and am eager to fit a good daily run into my schedule with T. I don't want to take her along for a few months so it will be interesting to see if I can get a run in while FJ is working 10 hour days in August!

I am considering an online master's program where I will be done in August of next year. Am I crazy to do this with a newborn? Any thoughts?

Time flies... 3 weeks!

Time flies when you are having fun! So cliche, but so true. T is 3 weeks and 1 day old. It is so hard to believe. On one hand- it seems like forever ago that I was crawling back into bed after my millionth bathroom trip in the middle of the night only to have my water break! On the other- I can't believe that T is already 3 weeks old!!! Things are continuing to go well. T is still as precious as ever and has really filled out. I was looking back at some pictures of her in just a diaper and can't believe how skinny she was! Before we know it she'll be out of newborn diapers and onto size 1! She is eating extremely well and breastfeeding is becoming easier and easier by the day. I have fed her in front of my parents and 2 of my friends that came to visit with no problems. I never thought I'd be the "whip it out" kind of breastfeeder but what else can you do when someone is here for a short time and she is HUNGRY??? I tried to use a blanket the first time but it was too hard to see what she was doing. Hopefully once I am at the point where I am feeding her in a public place- the blanket trick will work.

Yesterday T and I ran some errands just the two of us. It was the first time I had driven and the first time I had been our with her without FJ. Things went great. Other than that- we continue to entertain visitors and enjoy life! By the way- once google has updated for this site not to show up when searching T's name- I will post pictures. She is so precious and I can't wait to share!

A great weekend!

In the last 2 days Baby T has met 2 babies that are actually younger than she is! Keep in mind that today she is 17 days old. It makes me happy when we meet younger babies because sometimes I feel guilty about having her out and about. I am incredibly careful about germs but still- the stresses of the outside world could make her sick.

On Friday- the 4th- we went to a cookout. Everyone was so happy to see and meet Baby T. She was so good! I fed her at my friend's house too which I felt was a milestone in breastfeeding. It wasn't public per se but wasn't in my own home either so its a step in the right direction. Baby T was a hungry girl that day and fed like every 1.5 hours. Finally when she was rooting for the 3rd time in 4 hours we went home.

Saturday was a great day too! We took Baby T to a historic park/rescue zoo here in Richmond. She rode in the stroller and we (Grammy and Grandpa, FJ and I) looked at the animals. It was a pretty nice day- not too hot but we cut it short anyway because I was feeling guilty about having her out. Grandpa took us all for ice cream afterwards and we met an 11 day old baby. When I introduced myself to his momma- she looked at Baby T and exclaimed "she's huge!" This is the first time anyone has described T as anything but "teeny". This woman's baby and T weighed the same at birth and T is considerably bigger than this baby. She really is a good eater and has been putting on weight quickly.

Which brings me to today- Baby T has become much more alert during the day and at night. She doesn't cry (all the time) but lies awake looking around and cooing. Twice I woke up last night and could hear her moving around. When I peeked in her basket she was wide awake sucking her finger or looking around. So cute and peaceful! This morning however she cried and cried. It was like I couldn't feed her enough. My nipples are still really sensitive and every 10 feedings or so they down right hurt. So the LC recommended I use the nipple guard every once in a while. I get the feeling T doesn't feel satisfied with the guard though and she will eat every hour or so insatiably. I was feeling guilty that I was starving her to death until FJ got on the scale with her and low and behold- according to our scale- she is somewhere between 7.5 and 8 pounds. Keep in mind that one week ago she was 6.13. Now of course this could be off but I am less stressed about her starving. It might be the suckling that she is crying for and not the milk!

We were supposed to go to church this a.m. but we slept in. I want to go buy some new nursing bras today and perhaps go to the grocery store. FJ wants to take T down to the river with the dogs- we'll see!

Quickie update

Just a quickie update...
1. We had our pediatrician appt on Monday and Baby T weighs 6 lbs, 13 ozs. She is past her birthweight!
2. Breastfeeding is back to being hard. I will call my LC Monday for advice. I have considered giving up but googled some questions and everyone says it will get easier. We'll see!
3. We took Baby T for a photo shoot Tuesday- the pics came out GREAT!
4. My grandmother and her sister came in to meet Baby T Tuesday. It was great and Grandma really loves Baby T!
5. We took Baby T to her first party today for the 4th. She was so good! She cried the whole way home though because I think she was over stimulated.
6. I am working hard to lose my baby weight. I gaine 39 pounds throughout my pregnancy and have lost 26. I see pics of myself and am really disgusted. Especially because before I got pregnant I had put on about 15 pounds. I would really love to lose about 30 more pounds or so. It should be easier once I am allowed to exercise. Breastfeeding is helping in the meantime.
That's all for now- I am going to go to sleep before I have to feed T again!

google

When I googled my daughter's name- this blog came up. I don't want this to happen since this blog is my anonymous and private thoughts. I went through and deleted her name and pic to the right that was there previously. My blog is still coming up when I google her name even though all has been deleted. Any advice? I am afraid I may have to delete my blog!