8 weeks

Hi everyone. I am so sorry I have been MIA lately. It is just such a weird feeling to be pregnant. I started this blog to meet up with an awesome community to get me through (and help others get through) the sucky world of IF. But now I feel like I don't want to lose you girls but I am pregnant so don't want to make anyone feel bad. It's a really strange feeling. I have been a member of some yahoo groups for years now and I haven't posted their either except to announce. I always thought that I would want to be an active member in the grad group- but even that doesn't seem like the right place for me since I am so newly pregnant. But I miss you girls and I went through and read your blogs and I realized that I still need you. In reading my 12 loyal blog friends blogs, I cried 3 times. 2 announced pregnancies and 1 great fertilization result! I just realized that I am still apart of the IF life and would like to see everyone of my friends who have to go through it- beat it. Anyway, I just wanted to say, I am back and am happy to be here....

As for my pregnancy- things are going well. Most days I am sick as a dog and can barely make it through the work day. I am so happy for these sick feelings. I am exhausted and fall asleep most days on the couch and crawl up to bed before 9 (not before applying my prog. supp.!). The past few days I have been having a hard time driving home. I just feel like I am going to vomit all over myself. I have had to call FJ once and my mom once just to keep my mind off of my dry heaving. I am pretty sure it is from a mild cold that I have developed with the change of the weather and the post nasaly stuff. I will be happy when my next u/s is here (11/27) and I see my baby. I pray with everything I have that we will get good news. I still have a phobia that all of the symptoms I feel are from the progesterone and are all fake. I hope my body is producing some of the hormones however.

On another note- FJ and I went through a really rough patch last weekend. Some of you remember that I asked FJ to quit smoking about 7 weeks ago and he did. Well, I thought he did. I found a cigarrette in his fleece jacket I borrowed and confronted him about it. He lied to me and said that he bummed one from our neighbor. This pissed me off royally that he would go to our neighbor for a cigarrette but then I realized that the cig. was FJ's brand- not some obscure brand that I am guessing my quirky neighbor smokes. So anyway, I flipped and I believe rightly so. He lied to me the whole time- never quit- never went one day without a cigarrette. Even when he went up the Yankee's game the weekend he quit and hung out with his buddies and came home claiming how proud I should be of him- he had smoked the whole time. I threatened to leave. I told him our marriage is over- not because of smoking but because of the lying. It scares me to death that FJ could look me in the eye and lie many, many times and I had no idea. I actually went around and bragged about how he had quit cold turkey. I am some what over it now- still upset- but getting over it. FJ got a dose of reality which he needed. He says that he never once considered the fact that he was lying to his wife and only thought that I would be more angry if I knew he was smoking. He will have to quit before the baby is born because I don't want to be the parents that put the baby down to smoke. It just doesn't seem right. It's a bummer that he hasn't quit- it scares me that he never will but he has to. I worry more about the lying and pray that FJ is finally telling me the truth when he says he will never lie again. I told him that everyone slips up and lies once in a while but he better tell me the truth immediately and I better not ever catch him in a lie!

Sorry this is turned into such a long blog. I will post more often now! I hope all is well with all of you and can't wait for you to update!