no progesterone at the pharmacy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (updated)

I truly don't want to be "that girl" who gets pregnant and all she writes about is being scared. But I am. I love being pregnant and am super excited but I just can't shake the "it'll happen" thoughts and I don't mean "it'll be fine". This a.m. I woke up and my boobs hurt less. They still hurt, but it seems that they aren't as sore. This freaks me out. Then I went to the pharmacy to pick up round 2 of progesterone suppositories and they did not have them in stock. The pharmacist was awesome and called around and around to all of the local pharmacies and it seems to be a total fluke that they had them in when I got round 1. So we called the dr and they said they'd call back. I waited at the pharmacy counter for an hour and a half and no call. The pharmacist finally called the emergency line (because by now the dr's office was closed) and they were going to return her call a.s.a.p. Yeah right- I waited a little while longer and no call. So here I am at home with no progesterone to take tonight. I am so afraid that this drop in progesterone level is going to be the detriment of this pregnancy. The pharmacist said regardless of what the dr says, she has ordered the progesterone and it will bein before noon tomorrow. I am tempted to take a half day at work and get to the pharmacy at noon and get that stuff in me before its too late. Any suggestions???
BTW- all of your answers to my obsessive questions made me feel 1000% better. I just wish this progesterone thing hadn't occurred...
My pharmacist just called. The dr on duty finally called back and prescribed oral capsule prometrium. After she researched it, she found that it is not to be taken by pregnant women and told me that I could puncture the capsule and insert it vaginally but I shouldn't take it orally because it could bring on a period (miscarriage!!!!!!!!!!). I am so pissed that the dr on call would even prescribe such a thing!!!!!! I have typed a letter to my OB because this is the millionth thing that has happened at his practice that has royally pissed me off. I am telling him basically that if one more thing goes wrong or if I am treated like shit by his staff once more, I am out. I also wrote a letter to the pharmacists supervisor telling him/ her what an awesome person she is to take the extra time to look into this for me. FJ is going to pick up the progesterone gel tomorrow during the day and bring it to my work- I will shoot up in the school bathroom and only be about 12 hours behind schedule. I hope this all works!!!!!!!!!!!

questions

1. Can you still miscarry while on progesterone?
2. If all of my symptoms are due to progesterone does it mean its working or that I am having "fake" symptoms?
3. Why do some drs want you to come in right away and some make you wait until 8 weeks (or 6 in my case)?
4. Can I eat crab meat? blue cheese? tuna? I have had all of these in the last day or so and just realized maybe I shouldn't have!
5. Will I ever get to the point where I can enjoy a pregnancy without constant worry?
6. When will I start feeling sick?
7. Is my incredible sleeping habits due to pregnancy or to my supreme laziness?
8. Are these minor cramps really normal? There seems to be more when I drink/eat too much (non-alcoholic of course!)

These are all questions that run through my mind. Every time I think, 'wow, my boobs are sore' I remember that I am on progesterone and get bummed out. I just can't seem to get it all under control. I know the advice- enjoy it- but with my past it is near impossible. Don't get me wrong, I am beyond elated that this IUI worked- but I continue to be s-c-a-r-e-d.

scared shitless

Thank you all for your continued support and kind words. It is strange to be in this place that I have wanted to be in for so long. I am happy as a clam but scared as I have ever been. Yesterday while in the restroom at school a brief bit of confidence crossed my mind. Confidence that I am doing absolutely everything in my power to keep this baby and why shouldn't it work out for us... 10 minutes later- cramps like you wouldn't believe. I sat down and they lasted less than 5 minutes and then were gone. I have felt the continued bits of pulling down there, sore boobs, and exhaustion so I am not going to worry about that. I have been laying down since yesterday afternoon when I got home. I am scared to death to exert any energy at all in efforts to keep this baby. I have another week until my dr's appt and I am holding my breath until then.

FJ and I have both shared the news and thus requested the positive vibes/ prayer from our families. This includes my SIL that also deals with IF. They were pleased that we were cautious but claimed in unnecessary. I will see them today and hopefully everything will go smoothly. I feel for her in ways that she will never know and wish she was right here with me. That's all for now. I hope all is well with all of you lovely ladies. Thank you so much for continuing to read. I am here for you!

still here

Still pregnant... I am so scared that any moment this happiness will be snatched up. I wish that I was innocent in this process and I just knew that this was it. But alas, after suffering 2 losses, I am more grounded. A friend from work hounded me until I finally told her that yes, I tested and when she asked, "and....???" I nodded (so I didn't really tell her per say...). Now she won't leave me alone- asking me how I am feeling, what's next, how will they prevent me from miscarrying, etc. I told her not to ask me about it but it hasn't helped. I am going to have to say something soon because every time I talk to her she says something about being "realistic" meaning I very well could miscarry. I think she thinks she is being helpful and agreeing with me, but let's be honest- I am the only one who can use my defense mechanism. I just want the world to think good, positive thoughts for me. We told both of our mom's- mine cried, FJ's said that I couldn't lift anything when we come this weekend to clean out their POD- fine with me! We haven't told my dad or any of our siblings. One of my SIL's is experiencing IF. She is very overweight and has PCOS. Her drs have treated her like crap thus far not prescribing anything until she loses 15 pounds. She is trying her damndest to lose weight but with PCOS it is near impossible for her. Anyway, I dread telling her about this pregnancy. I just don't want her to be hurt by it. It is so weird being on this end of it. How should I tell her?
On another note, I am virtually symptom-less. My boobs hurt the slightest bit when pressed, I have streching feeling in my ut that feel like cramping some times, and I am constipated. But that's it. I want so badly to be sick sick sick. I want this pregnancy to be so viable that my hormones go completely out of whack and send me for a spin. Maybe it is too early and I should be careful for what I wish for. My OB (with REs consent) prescribed me with progesterone suppositories. Only 6 come in a pack and I have to do one per day. It cost $50 and insurance didn't cover a dime- ahhhh, insurance problems- now that's familiar.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for all of the awesome comments and well wishes. I need you all now more than ever and will be there for you as well. Thanks girls!

verdict- affirmative

I'm pregnant. I can't believe it but I am. At 3:30 this morning I woke up having to pee for the second time last night (first time was 12:30) so I decided to go ahead and take the dreaded test. I decided instead of poas, I would piac (pee in a cup) and dip the stick. I dipped the stick and it immediately turned positive. The funny thing is I didn't even know it was positive until I looked at the box to see what this brand (I think it was First Response) symbol of choice is. I usually look for the + symbol with Equate brand so imagine my surprise when all I needed to see was a line in each window! Holy crap!

Of course I feel crampy and doubtful but excited all at the same time. This is the first time a pregnancy test has been clear enough for us to be sure, but at the same time, I am slightly crampy on and off. I know I am by no means out of the woods. I am, however, trying to be optimistic and enjoy this for every second that it is real.

First dr's appt is Nov. 6- election day.

Prayer request

I took my first HCG shot 17 days ago. I believe I ovulated 2.5 days later. First IUI 16 days ago. Second IUI 15 days ago.

14dpo- sticky cm, sort of sore boobs, twinges in abdomen, insomnia at night, nap during day, not teary or crying at commericials like "usual"

Allowing hope to creep in but very, very scared about even admitting that. I will know either way on Monday. What's worse than waiting until Monday? Waiting until Monday and still getting a BFN. Please pray for me.

certifiably insane

First of all, thank you for all of your advice and answers to my questions. I have put the thermometer away until I am trying to detect ovulation next. My conference was okay- didn't learn much that I didn't already know but got some good ideas that will hopefully not be too much work to implement. I met some good people but of course the, "do you have kids?" question came up time and time again. Usually I give some long drawn out answer, but "no" with no explanation is all I could muster. My friend that I went with (fertile myrtle) and I talked a lot about what I am going through. She doesn't really seem to get it and scoffs that I know so much about my cycle. I love her dearly but I think that she is uncomfortable talking about IF and therefore comes across as curt and uncaring. She did recognize the stress I am under though which is a start.

I think I have mentioned before that stress manifests in my sleep habits. So being away from home at 11 and 12 dpo was way stressful for me. I barely slept at all. Last night I convinced myself in my half asleep state that if I thought about my period that I would not get pregnant this month. I woke up to myself holding my nose and swallowing (like I have done to get rid of hiccups) because I thought it would erase my period obsessed thoughts. Then, later in the night, I woke up to Fertile Mytley yelling at me to go back to bed because I was grabbing at her foot. I had walked across the room to her bed and grabbed her foot. At least she has a sense of humor and I had previously told her about my sleep issues. I barely slept the rest of the night because I was convinced I would do something insane- I know- too late!

The day time doesn't seem to be as bad as the nights. At least I am back at home now. Part of me wishes that AF would hurry up and get here so I can stay grounded. As it is I am letting hope enter my mind and I don't want that. I hate hope. It sucks and makes me feel worse when the inevitable arrives.

I do know that when she arrives- I am going back to the gym and working out hard core for the beginning of my cycle. I feel like a sloth right now but can't bring myself to jeapordize my 2ww by working out. I have been walking the dog but I usually don't feel better until I have broken a sweat. So- that's the goal- get back in shape- if she arrives.