First of all, thank you for all of your advice and answers to my questions. I have put the thermometer away until I am trying to detect ovulation next. My conference was okay- didn't learn much that I didn't already know but got some good ideas that will hopefully not be too much work to implement. I met some good people but of course the, "do you have kids?" question came up time and time again. Usually I give some long drawn out answer, but "no" with no explanation is all I could muster. My friend that I went with (fertile myrtle) and I talked a lot about what I am going through. She doesn't really seem to get it and scoffs that I know so much about my cycle. I love her dearly but I think that she is uncomfortable talking about IF and therefore comes across as curt and uncaring. She did recognize the stress I am under though which is a start.
I think I have mentioned before that stress manifests in my sleep habits. So being away from home at 11 and 12 dpo was way stressful for me. I barely slept at all. Last night I convinced myself in my half asleep state that if I thought about my period that I would not get pregnant this month. I woke up to myself holding my nose and swallowing (like I have done to get rid of hiccups) because I thought it would erase my period obsessed thoughts. Then, later in the night, I woke up to Fertile Mytley yelling at me to go back to bed because I was grabbing at her foot. I had walked across the room to her bed and grabbed her foot. At least she has a sense of humor and I had previously told her about my sleep issues. I barely slept the rest of the night because I was convinced I would do something insane- I know- too late!
The day time doesn't seem to be as bad as the nights. At least I am back at home now. Part of me wishes that AF would hurry up and get here so I can stay grounded. As it is I am letting hope enter my mind and I don't want that. I hate hope. It sucks and makes me feel worse when the inevitable arrives.
I do know that when she arrives- I am going back to the gym and working out hard core for the beginning of my cycle. I feel like a sloth right now but can't bring myself to jeapordize my 2ww by working out. I have been walking the dog but I usually don't feel better until I have broken a sweat. So- that's the goal- get back in shape- if she arrives.
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8 comments:
I'm praying that she is a no show and you get some good news.
Don't worry about hoping, I'll be hoping for you! :)
Welcome home.
I always hated the last few days, I hated it all, but the last few days are the worst.
Of course, trying not to think about it is almost, if not completely, impossible.
None of us deserve to go through this.
My best friend can't deal with IF at all. I accept that about her and so don't ever say much to her on the subject. It's her problem not mine. I've learnt that the hard way over the years. So many people have difficulty dealing with their emotions in situations like these. That's why we stopped telling people. We always ended up having to make them feel better about what we were doing.
i hope AF is a no show also
I hope she doesn't show and you get all kinds of GOOD big and fat:-)
Sorry you're having a rough time sleeping. I am exactly the same way...
So many people in my life don't understand our IF. Part of me wants to scream out at them, but mostly I just keep my mouth shut. "No" is a safe answer.
{{{HUGS}}}
Hang in there, I hope AF takes a 9 month vacation. You are so strong that you have not POAS. And you stopped temping too. You are the TTC Warrior!
Stay away AF!!! I mean it - stay away!!! I hope that in a few days you will get wonderful news and will have to stay miles and miles away from the gym. :)
Ha, Ha, you made me LOL with your comment on my blog, I will definitely check my blog if I forget where I hid all the meds. :-)
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