Sucks sucks sucks

I have been on an emotional roller coast for the past 30 or so hours. Yesterday afternoon I went upstairs to get ready to go out and I caught sight of my hpt. I picked it up and looked at it and saw a second line. I called FJ and told him to check it out when he got home. I know all about the whole evap line thing and hpt disclaimer not to read tests after 10 minutes but I am always obsessed with my pee sticks and have NEVER seen one change so... Of course I got my hopes up. I went to the gym and to my favorite aerobics class and took it really easy. FJ told me to get some more tests and retest in the morning b/c he too saw the second line (he is usually really difficult to convince whenever I ask him to squint, turn it upside down, whatever when I think I see that second line.) So this a.m. I poas and low and behold we both thought we saw a faint positive. It also was difficult to see but like I said, if FJ saw it, it was there... I called my re and he said to go get a beta test done and call with the results. As soon as I scheduled my beta, I started spotting. Now I am bleeding and my excitement is over. I went ahead and had the blood test because I want to know what this is- Aunt Flow or Miscarriage. Its hard to say what I hope for. That sounds awful I know- who would wish for the latter? Well at least I would continue to have faith in pregnancy tests if it is m/c and maybe there's a chance of survival if I am pregnant (so that's not hoping for m/c). But at the same time I don't want 3 strikes on my record. My mom had 2 m/c before becoming pregnant with my brother and I always thought that if I could get through my 2, the 3rd pregnancy would be a charm- so that blows that. 2 just seems like a more 'hopeful for the future' number. I also want answers. If this is m/c then I can have testing done to see why this is happening. If it is not then I have to go blindfolded into my next cycle since my insurance won't pay for testing for infertility. I just wish life were easier...