Saturday, September 8, 2007
Baby Nephew
Okay, I am totally procrastinating on all the tedious classroom stuff I should be working on this weekend. I have a lot on my mind and I find peace here. Next weekend I will be in DC for FJ's sister's wedding. This will be the first big family event where my new nephew will be. It will also be the first time that FJ and I will meet this said nephew. A little background... In September 2006 I got pregnant for the first time- holy elation! It was the very best 9 weeks of my life to date. We had hoped to find a cutesy way to tell our families and decided to wait until after the first ultrasound. When the dildo cam entered my body, my world stopped. Kind of like that Visa (mastercard?) check card commercial where they are at a nursery and everything is moving smoothly and then someone writes a check and the music stops and everyone holds their breath. The only difference is, my world hasn't continued to turn since then. So anyway, there we were, dealing with a miscarriage and we hadn't even told our families. We called them and told them about the sad news and went on to deal with the pain. 3 days later, FJ's older brother calls and says, "We are having a baby- due June 14". Wow- that was like a sucker punch to the abdomen! That was my EDD. I cried and cried and cried and cried. That was my baby. Mine! Why would God give them MY baby???!!! They live in California (and we are in VA) so I didn't have to see her big and pregnant but still, I knew that when June rolled around, life would suck and it did. So much so that FJ and I have put off flying to CA to meet our new nephew. We have made excuse after excuse and even missed the little guy's christening. So this weekend I will have to face him. Its not his fault and I can't hold it against him but it is going to be so hard to look at the baby that I thought would be mine. I had really thought I'd be pregnant again by now and that I would be okay with it, but alas I am not. So I will probably get wasted and act like a crazy girl just to get through it. I really hope no one tries to make me hold him. I might want to but I don't know, you know? It's going to be rough, but its inevitable.
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9 comments:
I know exactly how you feel. My step-sister got her BFP (all she did was go off the pill, the hooker) 2 weeks after we got ours (after more than a year of inj/iui's). I mc at 7wks, she's due in early Nov. Because of the house situation, we're staying with my dad & step-mom. So I get to see her belly at least 2x a week and all the fun baby stuff my step-mom's been sewing for their nursery daily. Talk about wanting to stab your eyes out.
Just hang onto your husband and do your best to not think about it.
*hugs*
I'm so with you right now. My sister decided to announce her BFP a few days after my D & C. It was her first time even trying and she is my older sister. Since then she has been less than supportive with my feeling and thus I have avoided speaking to her.
Well, next weekend we are traveling how for my niece's christening and guess who will be there in all her pregnancy glory? My lovely sister. So, I'll be thinking of you next weekend as I secretly chug the small bottles of vodka I plan to hide in my purse just to get through the event. :)I'm not usually like that at all, but I'm not sure how else to deal with her other than absolutely losing it. So vodka it is! :)
Hang in there! I am sure you will handle the situation gracefully, and use whatever coping mechanisms are necessary (i.e. hard liquor).
:)
I completely know how you feel. My brother and his wife had their baby right after my d&c. It killed me. So I had the same hard time with my nephew. The first time I saw him I really struggled. The second time I saw him I fell in love. I hope you fall in love and you walk out of this proud of yourself.
HUGS!
I know what you mean! My SIL is pg with #2 - no problems, she's older than me, and they know all about our issues and still made a big announcement to us and then had the nerve to say "this one took us awhile" - yeah like 3 mos! Are you kidding me? It's so unfair for all of us. Do whatever you can to get through it. Drinking definitely helps. Best of luck.
The insensitivity of your BIL was awful. Some people really don't think.
I've been in this situation a few times. Do what you have to do to get through it. I am sure you will love the little fella.
Best of luck.
We're purposely missing a christening ourselves, same reason.
I can't get over the jealousy factor AT ALL. It feels like it eats out my insides! At least, what's left in there after all the sorrow...
In my experience, it's never *quite* as bad as I expect it to be, but it still sucks. Hope you find a way to get through it with your sanity and without a massive hangover. ;)
I hope everything goes well for you. I'll keep you in my thoughts. Do what you need to do to get through it (for yourself) and you'll be stronger than before...don't we all hope for that fact anyway when we're faced with bad reminders? I tell myself that all the time, especially when dealing with my dh preg cousin (who's 16, I might add) and there was a possibility of us adopting the baby. She's due in Nov, and I recently found out her dad is going to adopt the kid, then on top of always having to hear convo's about her, I had to see her over Labor Day weekend. The jealousy that that could've been MY baby, well, it was looming over my head the whole day.
Enough jabbering though. Wishing you all the strength I can send your way!
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