Baby William

I'm back from my SIL's wedding in DC. It was beautiful and wonderful and a ton of fun. My SIL who had a baby in May was there and I met my new nephew. I told FJ on the way up that I wasn't sure how I was going to handle meeting him. FJ agreed that it would be perfectly fine for me to not hold him or hold back if that's how I felt. He even admitted that it might do his family some good to see how we are still affected my the miscarriages and IF. When we got there my SIL immediately tried to pass off the baby to me. I simply stated, "not right now" and walked off. Then my BIL asked why I hadn't held William yet, and again I said, "not right now, I will later." Nobody seemed bothered by it but it made me realize that they truly don't think it is a sensitive situation. They assume that FJ and I will forget that we too should have a baby exactly William's age right now and it hurts to see this adorable child that isn't ours. Later my SIL Maria (the one with the baby) asked me how things were going. It was a loaded question and I just spilled it. We sat and cried for what seemed like hours. She gets it, I now know, but she doesn't know how to handle it and I can't blame her for that. One thing she said which I thought was so great was, "I want this (meaning children, babies, etc.) so badly for you. I can't imagine how much more you want it for yourself." and another thing-, "I so wanted our children to grow up together but they still can and they will." It made me feel like she hasn't forgotten about our losses which is my biggest fear. After this conversation I held William. He is the sweetest, most beautiful little boy. The only thing that continued to bother me throughout the weekend was how the main topic of conversation was babies- does he sleep? does he eat? is he on a schedule? and then a million anecdotes about their kids- Charlotte used to do that, Johnny still has to be burped, and blah blah blah. My own parents were the worst. They ooed and ahhhed and commented on William's perfectness without hesitation. I was like, "hellloooo????" don't forget this hurts! (BTW- they are of no relation to the baby so its not like he's their grandkid or something!- William is FJ's brother's son- my parents are friends of FJ's parents.)

Anyway I am now in the dreaded two week wait. Of course with FJ's morphology results, we aren't expecting much this month but a girl can hope. AF should be here by Saturday. Bleeegghh.