smoking

Clomid- 100 mg cd 9= the injections begin tomorrow. Ughhh. FJ went to another dagon baseball game this weekend. So much for saving up for the massive debt we are accruing. This game was paid for before we heard about his SA. Things have changed drastically in the last few weeks. I always felt proud of how infertility hasn't come between FJ and I. If anything I have always taken pride in how it has made us stronger. Until now. I am scared to death of this funk that we are both in. I don't know if its the SA results and FJ's pride is shamed (1% of anything will do that to you) or if its the reality that we have taken the step to move on to babymaking- minus the babydance... To be honest I think it is more of a combination plus the fact that I am adament about FJ quitting smoking. I know, I know you can't believe that an IF'er would have a husband that she would put up with who smokes! Knowing how much it affects things- I should have been more convincing about his need to quit 2 years ago- but he only smokes about 5-8 cigarrettes a day and I knew he'd quit eventually. Well now that he is a part of the IF equation (and not on the positive) I want him to quit. I don't want to put my dr. through pills, injections, ultrasounds, etc etc etc if he is not doing everything he can to improve our chances. Monday night I went off on him. I told him that I would refuse to go next week if he smoked another cigarette. He agreed and truly for the first time realized how serious I was about this. The truth is, he wants to quit. He has for years. He just wants it to be easy and no matter what prescription he gets, he can't break the habit. So now he is grumpy. He hasn't had a cigarrette since Tuesday night and it sucks. Not to mention he is going to the game this weekend and staying with some of his college buddies. Luckily the one who he is staying with doesn't smoke and his other friend is trying to quit too for medical reasons of his own. The person I am worried about most is his dad. Everytime FJ gets together with his dad, they smoke cigars. FJ says that his dad won't offer because of Bryan's medical reasons but I am not sure. I am also not sure FJ will tell his dad, "no". So hopefully we can get out of this funk soon. I am not worried about our marriage per say- just our relationship. That sounds strange I know. But anyway, I am looking forward to a weekend with the dogs- relaxing on the couch watching chick flicks. Hopefully I can stand to give myself an injection tomorrow. But I am more worried about FJ. That's all for now.